funniest joke in the whole world

I woke up to the kids going crazy over shoe-candy. (a late St, Nicholas day - bah, the kids don't know when it's supposed to be :P don't judge us)  Lisy, already hyped up on sugar, excitedly told Benjamin the best joke that Rachel had told her earlier. She could barely stop laughing to tell the joke:

E: "Rachel told me the funniest joke this morning. She said 'Why did the duck say to the cow?'" (yes, she did say why and not what) Not waiting for an answer, Elisa said, "and then she TOLD me!" and Lisy started cracking up all over again.

I think we still have a way to go before she quite gets jokes.

-Dom

Primary

Colvert, an 8-year-old sitting in front of me, kept swinging his scripture case and hitting it against his chair during singing time. I called his name several times before he turned around and smiled at me. How could I come across as stern and serious? So I simply asked, "Why are your scriptures so loud?"

"Because they're happy to be here!" he answered.

Boys vs. Girls: Watching TV

The teenaged protagonist and her love interest are about to kiss for the first time.

Rachel (3), "Kiss her! Kiss her!"


Benjamin (7) "Eeeww. Do we have to watch this?"

Kids can be a bit obvious

So the other day Samuel was telling me about how he started walking his friend, Rebecca, home from the bus stop. Then he told me how much he enjoys being in the same class as Rebecca this year. Then he asked when he can start dating. "Sixteen," I said. "You still have 7 more years."

"How old does a girl have to be to start dating?" he asked next.

"Sixteen."

He thought he was being subtle, because he waited a few minutes before admitting that there was a girl he liked and looked forward to dating. "Do you want to guess who it is?"

Without skipping a beat I responded, "Rebecca."

A look of amazement (and a little bit of embarrassment) crossed his face. "How did you know?!"

Who's on your family tree?

What are your family dinner conversations like? We had another zombie discussion tonight. As a matter of fact, "No zombies at the table" and "Don't eat your brother's/sister's brain" are common phrases around here. Though I must admit that a little kid saying, "bwaaiiins," is cute. Even Makayla holds up her arms and growls "bain!"

Benjamin was the first to finish his meal and put up his plate. He came back to the table as an undead in search of brains. Elisa said, "I don't want a zombie in my family."

Dominic admonished her, "You can't choose your family. You're stuck with them, even if you don't like them."

Then Samuel quipped, "We have zombies on both sides of our family. Mom's family and Dad's family."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rachel keeps begging to see zombie pictures. Why? "Because they say bwains!"

nostalgia

I miss the pitter-patter of little feet as my children and half the neighborhood kids clomp around. They are running up and down the stairs, from the backyard to their bedrooms and back again, in an epic boys versus girls "war." One of the kids is supplying the background music of "Gangnam Style," blaring from his phone.

No Daddy, I'm right

Makayla, 19 months old, is going around with a bucket on her head this morning. Dominic came downstairs and laughed. Trying to be helpful he said, "Sweety, that's a bucket, not a hat." Whereupon Makayla lifted the bucket off her face, looked him straight in the eyes, and carefully enunciated, "Haaat," then put it back over her face.

My Angel Girls

I often tell my daughters that they're my little angel girls. It always makes them smile. Last night after I called Rachel my angel, Dominic asked, "do you know what an angel is?"

"Yes. Daughter," she answered. Well, it's an understandable response.

So Dominic told her, "an angel is sent from God." She was even happier.

The odor is strong with this one

Rachel came downstairs wearing a Darth Vader helmet and smelling like she needed a diaper change. "Rachel, are you stinky?" I asked.
"No, I not stinky. I a stormtrooper," she answered, as if the two are mutually exclusive.

Big brother's advice

Elisa is often talking about getting married when she grows up. The other day I overheard Benjamin encouraging her:

"When you grow up, you can marry someone funny, like Mom did with Dad. Dad always makes us laugh."

Yes, I agree. His sense of humor is one of the first things that attracted me to him.

The Hilarious Twos

I heard laughing behind me in the car. So I glance back and see Makayla laughing because Rachel is licking her foot.

"Rachel! Stop licking Makayla's foot! I don't care if she likes it, stop licking her foot. Now put her foot down. Dooowwn. Good."

Rachel talking to the "zeba."

"Daddy, this doesn't scare you."
"No, it doesn't. It's a banana."
"Yes, this is a banana, not a monster."

Rachel was hiding in the bushes and growling.

"Mommy, I found my hand."
"Was it at the end of your arm?"
"Yes!"

Removable Belly Button

Rachel pointed to her belly button and said, "I have my belly button on."
"Did you take it off?" I asked.
"Yes," she replied matter-of-factly.
"How?" inquiring minds want to know.
"My towel."
Wow. I didn't realize our towels were that abrasive! Time for new towels.

St. Patrick's Day to a 2-year-old

Rachel: "Yay! I love St. Patrick's day," and started dancing.
Me: "What does St. Patrick's day mean to you?"
Rachel: "We make green pancakes!"

A Good Example of Lisy

Background:
*Lisy likes to dance in front of the t.v., which is like a giant mirror.
*She can't sit through a full meal (I see an ADHD diagnosis in her future).
*Tonight's dinner was a tomato-based soup. I told her to be careful not to spill her soup, because it would stain her shirt. She took her shirt off.

What came out of my mouth:
"Lisy! Stop dancing naked in front of the t.v., and go eat your dinner!"